Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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