i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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