You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
