Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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