if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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