You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
