Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
