Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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