Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
