hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
