as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
