Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
