my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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