i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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