Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.