Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels