are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived