I bet he comes in French.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life