I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm getting married
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.