mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
