I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?