Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.