You made me cry and you don't even care
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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