We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
