ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
