Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
