There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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