the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
