I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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