Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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