The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
