he thought i was a dude.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
