I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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