So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake