I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.