1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard