just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY