You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it