I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
