we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
