I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
