bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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