She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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