i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
