I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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