I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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