Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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