My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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