I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I looked at my own cervix.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
