oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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