new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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