I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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