You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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