2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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