I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
