Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
