Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
