i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
