God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
