If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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