as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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