The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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