I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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