Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
