Screwed.edu
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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