I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
