Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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