He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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