if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm like, not good at living.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
