Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
