if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
