i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
