Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
