and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
