I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
