Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
