How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
