The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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