Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
