My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
