I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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