Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
