Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
