I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
