Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
