I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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