Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize